Chile has changed my heart forever!!

Hermana Zelaya and Hermana Webb

I don`t even know how to start this email. I have so much to say and I don`t really know where to start. I have so many things going on in my head!  I came down today after my thirty minute nap and told my roommates that I needed to organize my emotions because I have no idea where they are going.  I feel like there are so many of them and they are all moving so fast that... I am kind of caught...  

J_ is doing great!!  I love her so much and her family.  We did an NDH with an awesome family in my ward and it went great!  The husband participated more and we got to try to teach the kids. I say try because (he, he, he) they were kind of crazy.  But that is okay! That is how FHE are supposed to be, right!?  A_ participated more too and so that was really exciting.  We talked about the spirit.  And we played the game where you blind fold the kids and have everyone yell and try to distract them so they would go for a different road that was not the road that the sweet spirit who was whispering in their ears was telling them to take.  It was a great lesson and they were all going to come to church but they all got sick.  I'm pretty sure they will come next week. 

M_ is also progressing!  She is finally reading her scriptures and praying.  I feel like she is finally on track for her baptism which makes me happy!  She is a sweet heart.  Her family kind of continues the same. I wish they would change with her so they could help her progress.  But there is still a month for her baptism so I think they have time to get ready to help their daughter make the covanants that she wants to make.

The other cool thing about this week was Elder Nelson.  He came to our mission today!  We got up SUPER early and he let EACH of us shake his hand.  That was pretty fun!  I love meeting the apostles, you can feel their love and you can feel that they really are apostles of God.  I really like what Elder Nelson had to say.  He talked about good pure doctrine.  And every time he said the word he sighed like the good pure doctrine was a nice cool cup of water in a desert.  He talked about ten different points that we as missionaries should be aware of.  It kind of changed my point of view on how I see the truth.  The truth can be pure and real.  It does not have to be complicated. 

The one that I really liked though was his wife's talk.  It was great!  She talked about how she wishes that we could have a dvd player of our pre-earth life.  She told us that we were with God before, and we learned.  She told us that we have been working on the doctrine of Christ for a lot longer than just here on earth.  It makes me realize how excited we had to have been to be able to come and try out faith, repentance, making and keeping covenants, and enduring to the end in real bodies, with all of their imperfections, and crazy emotions. This plan really is a lot bigger than we think it is! 

I love you all so much! I just feel so weird about all of the emotions I feel ...  I had a moment today where I just felt overwhelmed. I felt totally confused. I could not sleep, I was just kind of walking around the house in complete shock.  I wish I could explain all of the crazy things that I was thinking.  There is so much going on.  So I decided to try to organize and sort through my emotions, because they were going crazy.  Even though there aren't BAD things happening to me, I felt a little attacked all the sudden by such extreme emotions.  But then I thought of something better ... 

I dropped on my knees. I told God that I wanted Him to take away the stress, the fear, the doubts, the anxiety, and the worry.  I asked Him to leave the love, the hope, and the faith.  I wanted Him to leave the love for my family, the love for my comps, and the love for all of these people in Chile.  I told Him that I wanted Him to leave the hope of beautiful adventures to come, and to leave the faith that God will continue to care for the people that I love here, and that He will continue to take care of me.  It is funny because I am just going through what all of His missionaries have gone through before, and I'm just one silly little worried missionary.  But, thanks to a loving Heavenly Father who did exactly what He said He would do, and took the time to carry me through His Son's Atonement, I am feeling calm.  I am confident it will still hurt to leave here, but I am also confident that He will carry me through. 

I don`t know much, but here are the things I DO know:  God lives!!  He really does love us!  He has a beautiful covenant path that takes us right back to His arms, and one of the best parts of that path are the beautiful people that we get to know along the way.  And, the blessing of knowing that I NEVER have to leave some of them behind forever, but have the hope of seeing them again!  I know I love Chile and I know that I am going to miss it with all of my heart.  I know I am going to have a couple of nights of just crying, but I know that God loves these people and He is very AWARE of each of them!  I know that I have changed, and that there is NO going back!  Chile has changed my heart forever!  I know that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is real even if I am just an overreactive girl who can`t seem to figure out what to do with all of the emotions in her emotion box. 

:-) 

I love you all so much!  Thanks for the emails and the support!  There really is NOTHING sweeter than enjoying my eternal family NOW!  I will see you all soon!!!!! 

I love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hermana Webb

(bummer! For the last time!)

I find His ability to change our hearts a lot more beautiful and powerful miracle than His ability to move mountains.

carlie.webb@myldsmail.net

How is my favorite family in the entire world!? You all know that I love your faces ... and the rest of you, right!?  I am so freaking excited to see you people in two weeks.  But, you are all right ..... I am definitely having second thoughts about being happy about this being totally happy thing.  Closing chapters and starting new ones hurts. I am not really sure how I am going to just say good bye.... 

This week was GREAT!!!!!  We got to work again and we worked HARD!!!!!!  We contacted, and we found, and we taught, and people actually responded this week!  There is this cute little girl who has had a fecha to get baptized since I have been here but NEVER goes to church and SHE CAME this week!  We were pretty excited. Her name is M_.  She is so sweet.  She is a 10 year old and really wants to get baptized, but like all of these stories, she does not have a mom that is very supportive, and her dad menos, so we will see what happens.  But, she is starting to read, and pray, and just like the Book of Mormon promise, she is receiving her answer.  The other people that went to the capilla were L_ and her cute mom (who is like Gogo - her name is H_) came to church too!!!!!  That was the first time for L_ in like 15 years!  And, cute J_ (after waking up at 11 in the morning) got there just in time for Sacrament Meeting!  It was a great Sunday!

J_ is doing great!  We really love her.  We went to her house on Thursday, and then as we were walking past her house, they were getting there from the grocery store, so we went again on Friday.  We said a prayer with them at the table before once, and for the first time the husband A_ listened to the prayer.  He still did not close his eyes, but at least he stopped eating and listened. I know that sounds like a silly improvement to be excited about, but we were really excited.  Dad talked about this in his letter.  It is really nice to watch people progress, even if it is little thing like not eating during a prayer.  God does His work, ... He does it slowly, but I find His ablity to change our hearts a miracle a lot more beautiful and a lot more powerful than his ablity to move mountains. 

A_ continues to progress. We had a FHE with her and this family that I LOVE! They are the C_.  It was their entire family, and she was not intimidated at all!  She got along great with the C_, and really opened up.  She has had a hard life.  She was in the room when two of her grandparents died and so she was left really scared.   Now she knows that there is an afterlife, and something that happens after, but she kept saying that she just does not put a name to it, I think for fear of being closed minded.  So we started talking about how she talks to them and how she knows that they are the same and that the exist for experience.  ... I told her about Lauren.  I told her that I did not want to let God take her away, and how I kept telling Him that we would take good care of her here on earth and that she was safe with the Webbs.  ... And then I told her about the moment when God told me that she would be safe with Him too.  I testified to her that it is really good to know WHO is taking care of my sister.  I told her that I love putting a name to Him, with attributes.  I told her that I am so grateful to know that it is Christ that is taking care of my sister, and that she could have the same assurance I have about her grandparents. Then the C_ responded great to her questions it was AWESOME!  They are amazing and had great things to say!  I think she is going to finally take us up on it and ask God if He exists. 

F_ is doing okay.  I am kind of frustrated with her.  Her mom is as SWEET as she could be. I don`t know if I have ever told you about her, but they got baptized about three years ago. (actually the Elder that baptized her is T_ W_ - one of the kids that graduated with me!)  Anyway, the mom is GREAT!  I love her to pieces!  She works so hard for her daughter, and works in the Nursery and LOVES it.  F_ is the daughter who is doubting everything now.  She is so funny because when she told us that she was not interested in going to church anymore, she begged us to still stop by her house because she really liked being with us.  I could not help but think 'oh honey! ... what you just said means that we will pass by a lot MORE!'  I really love her and I am bummed that she is falling away! Her friend is P_ who is thinking about getting baptized. 

This week I was thinking a lot about faith.  At the beginning of my mission I wanted ANSWERS!  It said in the Bible that if ask, I will recieve, so I looked and looked and I usually found.  But I usually found more doubts.  The people who put on their "faith blinders" bugged me because I felt like they were not LOOKING!  I felt frustrated, and many times afraid.  (Being in doubt hurts!)  There is a joven (youth) in my ward that is starting to go inactive, because he has too many doubts.  He is frustrated, because he told us that everyone always says the same thing for everything, and puts on their faith blinders.  But I learned something on my mission, ... faith does not blind us! I don`t think that means that we should not have questions and look.  We have a religion because Joseph Smith looked; we have almost all of 1st Nephi because Nephi looked, and the list goes on and on.  It was NEVER bad to look, but there is light when we look with faith.  I am still not professional at this.  It is hard for me to choose faith like Taylor always says, but doors really do open.  I am so grateful to let Him guide!  He is so much better at it than me.  I still have so many doubts.  I don`t understand a lot of things, but that moment when I can choose to believe,  ... that is when the Atonement starts to do its work!  Hearts start to change, and I really do start to understand the mysteries of God because I get to EXPERIENCE them!  There are so many things that we do when we love that has NO common sense; it is a mystery of God because missionaries actually like what we do.  It is tiring, strict, and extremely hard, and yet we call it the best two years (or year and a half;)) I am starting to understand His mysteries. There is so much to go, but now the fact that I lack knowledge does not bug me as much, it is more about enjoying the adventure.  There is always something deeper. 

I am starting to feel really weird!  I am not sure if I am ready to go home.  I always just thought about seeing you people, ... I never thought about actually going home ..... I think there are going to be a lot , a lot, a lot of tears.  I guess I am starting to understand when people say this is ALL we get.  When it is all over it is kind of like wait..... maybe I am okay with dealing with silly rules for a little bit longer.  Wait ... what is going to happen!? But I trust God!  If Chile was in His plan for me, the next adventure has to be pretty darn good. it is just hard to leave it behind.  I testify that God really is real!  I don`t know it for absolute certain, but I choose to believe it! And choosing to believe is so freeing!!!!! ... Because it connects me to the powers and the reality of my Savior`s Atonement!  

I love you all so much!  Choose faith! ... even when it seems crazy!  I love you all!  I am so so so excited that I get you all for forever! And a little longer on Sunday!!! Yay presidente!!!!!!! 

Hermana Webb